by Stephanie Jones Jallorina
By the time you read this article, I’m already out of Japan, and if you still see me somewhere here, that is a part of my soul still trapped in goodbyes.
Yes, after four years, I have come to decide that I have to go back in Pinas for good. I never planned to stay here in the first place; my mother just invited me and I was one of those few who were lucky to easily get a job here, thank God; and rest is history. However, just when I fell in love with Japan and thought about settling down here, I was called to come home for a very personal mission. It is so personal to me that my life turned 360 degrees and like soldiers in battlefield, it is something that I cannot raise a white flag with - retreat and surrender - once I pledge myself in.
I was at war with myself and with the one who called me for this mission, because I believed he knew what I wanted to become ever since and where he is leading me is a total opposite of it. When my mission was revealed to me, I became very mad for I knew myself better that even though I may be stubborn at first, in the end I still obey just as I am told. With such a life-changing call, it took me a while to gather myself; I detach myself from the sociable me to a quiet and contemplative me. I tell you for your life to turn 360 degrees, it does not mean, it has to turn around over night, it has to start baby steps, somewhere. Parents would know it is not easy during toddler years of your children how you worry they might probably get bruised and all. With God’s grace and guidance, I am thankful enough because I was prepared to go home with so much care and love that when ED Dennis told me to share something like my anxieties in going home, I cannot remember any, none anymore. It started with madness yes, but it is a phase you have to go through in any trials in life. The phase that would surely follow is acceptance. You just have to accept things because like I always said, trials are God’s mysterious way of teaching us virtues in life. When I have come to accept my mission, I moved onto the next phase which is preparation; in love, this is equivalent to the getting-to-know other stage, open to dating, meeting people. For elders I guess, when they think about their Philippine retirement, they prepare for it – a house, a lot, an earning-business, or enough money to enjoy the rest of their lives with their family and loved ones. For as young as me though, I just needed to prepare my heart and soul for the mission, and I did! I know, we have different coping mechanisms when challenged. It worked for me that I confided to a few people about my mission in this way, I have to stand by it, do it; though 90% of them totally disagreed that I pursue, it was enough for me that I told them. God knew where I will be, I just have to trust Him.
After the getting-to-know stage, is the falling in love stage; sorry if my concept of love is still much conservative. The more I fall in love with my mission, the more I get inspired, the more I get excited to go home. I guess one of the anxieties ED Dennis was referring to, is the anxiety of how it feels like when, after living so many years in Japan, finally, you get back home and you seem like a total stranger in your own home, or in your community.
And, before reaching home, you have to go through this sad phase of goodbyes, and it has always never been easy. As of this writing, it is not sinking in because I have not yet bid any “formal” farewell to anybody and I think I’ve to pass, again. But who knows I might reconsider for on second thought, I would be seriously focused on, during mission, and I’d be totally, totally missing you all. It is just that now, I put enough space between myself and people I meet at last minute here or lessen the time I spent with people I always meet to avoid further longing when the day comes and I’ve to leave.
What I would like to impart is that we drop the notion of Mission Impossible and hit 2012 with a Mission Possible attitude. When you put your mind, heart and soul into something you want, you need and you must do, everything is possible. You just have to set your priorities straight and pray, you’ll go fine. Cheers to 2012! God bless Japan, God bless us all!