Thursday, November 15, 2012

Candy Ledesma

by Candy Ledesma


Finding The Logic In God’s Plans

Hilarious. Seriously.

Am I even that much out of my mind to attempt to understand the logic of God’s plans? I am nothing compared to God’s infinite wisdom but nevertheless,  I make countless attempts (futile, most of the time, if I may add) to come to terms. Regardless, I still  keep doing it.

Take for instance, this illness that He so graciously bestowed on me. Oh no, please don’t get me wrong, I am not being sarcastic or sacrilegious. It just so happened that I have learned to accept God’s  blessings, big or small, good or bad. I have learned that there is a reason behind it all. So gladly and with a grateful heart, I take it. What the heck, whether or not I am grateful for it, it’s going to be there to stay - on record. So I might as well be ultimately filled with thanks. It makes life a little sweeter to swallow.

What do I get out of an illness, anyway? Gargantuan medical bills, a weaker body, limited activities, food intake limited to only what’s allowed - where’s the fun in all that? Believe it or not, a dreadful disease comes with some kind of certain authority. People tend to listen to you better, it’s as if you suddenly have a PhD in whatever it is that you have. Obviously not, but here’s the perk: when you become ill, depending on your attitude, that light switch in your head suddenly flips itself on and you suddenly get a new perspective on life. Positive or negative, your attitude predicts the way you accept God’s plan for you and you learn to deal with it.

A negative attitude will still flip that switch but the light ain’t going to be that bright, let me tell you. You conjure up thoughts of how God abhors you which could be the reason why He put you in such a situation. A situation that sort of puts you in a prison of sorts. The only liberation from it is your impending demise from this world. Even then, your view towards the end may seem a little askew. You believe that when you go, darkness will still be waiting for you because you have implanted the thought of your negative life in that thick skull of yours. Funny when you think about it because you have thought of this as your liberation from a life of disease and endless suffering but in reality, you are just setting yourself up for an infinity of sadness.

Being positive about your “new found” condition brings with it a whole new host of perks that you never even imagined would be a part of your short life. One of those perks (and most commendable, I believe) is that you realize that you were given a chance to make things right.

No matter how good you have been, there are those little things that have bugged you because of your behavior in the past that you know may have offended someone. Suddenly, that light in your head sports a hundred watt bulb that exudes a light so bright that you gotta wear shades sometimes. You don’t see that light physically but it shows in your demeanor, in the way that you deal with the people around you and your own logic of things that are happening to you. In that bright ray of light, you surprise yourself because people suddenly listen to you, look up to you for advice or admiration and it seems that despite this baffling condition you are in,  there is a certain glee in your heart that many times overwhelms you and you just want to share that happiness.

Yes, baffling is the only word to use in that sentence because no matter how you try to explain to yourself why, there doesn’t seem to be an explanation clear enough to make you sleep without any thoughts of doubt of why you are this happy! Going crazy is the only sane explanation you can give yourself - ironic, huh? 

Bottom line is - there is always something good behind even the worst of things. Learn to find that good and that unsettling feeling will soon dissipate and be replaced with something worth your while discovering. Something you have maybe deprived yourself for the years you have lived pre-disease - if you can even call that living.  Through it all, you find your soul smiling at you. It emanates and infects those who have the keen eye of noticing that there is something new about you, something refreshing and renewed despite all the sh*t, pardon my french,  that has befallen you. Happiness makes everything okay. You don’t even look for ways to make things alright - things fall in place when you’re happy and to me, that’s enough to understand God’s logic.

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