Dennis Sun

DAISUKI!
By Dennis Sun

In Memory of Juanito C. Sun
DADDY IN DA PILIPINS

Sa nakaraang isyu, I wrote about “FUN” in the Philippines. Pero sa isyung ito, daragdagan ko iyong “FUN” into a longer word, FUN + ERAL. Just a few weeks after I went to the Philippines last June, I was back there again in July not to enjoy the “Fun in the Philippines” but to mourn my dad’s passing, as in a “Funeral in the Philippines.”

My dad was supposed to die 10 years ago. Sabi ng mga doctor sa ospital, pati na rin ang mga albularyo, manghuhula, psychic at faith healers, they all agreed that wala na raw oras ang ama namin. Tatlong buwan na lang daw. He was given a life sentence already. Kaya sabi ng mga doctor niya, ibigay na ninyo lahat ng gusto niya: mga luho at bawal kasi malapit na rin siyang pumanaw. Kaya hayun. Tuloy pa rin ang paninigarilyo. Tuloy pa rin ang sugal na kuwaho at sige pa rin sa puyat. Tuloy ang kain ng mga masasarap na lutong Kapampangan. Let your dad enjoy the remaining last months of his life. Kaya siguro lalong tumagal ang buhay ng daddy ko. Kasi, lalong nag-enjoy siya sa buhay niya. Wala ng kumokontra. Lahat ng gusto niyang kainin, binibigay.

At isa pa, hindi naniniwala sa mga manghuhula si Daddy. At hindi rin siya pwedeng kumbinsihin ng mga doctor na mamamatay na siya. Malakas ang will power ni Daddy. And surely, he proved both the psychics and doctors wrong. Imagine, 3 months became 10 years long! Actually, kung pwede pa rin i-extend yon, siguradong hahaba pa rin ang buhay niya. Subalit nag-give-up na ang kanyang katawan after all those years. Sabi nga, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Buto’t balat na lamang ang father ko later on. Bedridden na kaya kailangan ng 24 hours na pag-aruga ng mga caregivers na sumusuko sa kanilang gawain. Kasi, minsan, 24 hours din nag-babawas at nagsusuka si Daddy. Nakaka-awa talaga siya pero naaawa rin ako sa mga nag-aalaga sa kanya.

Actually, kahit sabihin kong nag-enjoy ang daddy ko, he suffered a lot and for a very long period of time. He was undertaking dialysis treatment twice to thrice a week for 10 years. Just in case you don’t know what this is, here is a very simple illustration: ipapasok ang malaking karayom sa ugat para kunin ang dugo na ilalagay sa isang makina. Lilinisin ang dugo at ibabalik ulit ito. Matagal, mahaba at masakit na proseso. Minsan, dahil sa haba, nakikita kong natutulog na lang ang dad ko. Noong una, nakikita ko na meron siyang nakukuhang ginhawa. Pero pagdaang ng mara-ming taon, parang wala na rin epekto. Nagsisigaw ang Daddy sa loob ng ospital. Alam naming masakit pero wala kaming magagawa. Minsan, sa kanyang tulog, kaila-ngan naming gisingin para masigurado na buhay pa rin ang tatay namin. Kaya sa loob ng sampong taon, kay raming mga pinagdaanang tusok ng karayom. Kay raming mga peklat at marami pa rin mga sugat na hindi pa nagkukumpa.

True. Once the doctors give your loved one a life sentence, you start prepa-ring for the worst. We waited for 3 months. After that, the family kept telling ourselves my dad will leave us any time soon. So prepare. Prepare. Get ready. Tumagal ng sampong taon sa ka ka-prepare. Akala ko nga, ready na rin ako once that time comes. Pero hindi. When my dad passed away, I was online in Facebook. My brother relayed to me the message. Dad is gone. Of course, I was not shocked anymore. I had 10 years of preparation, diba? Pero, hindi po. The reality is, masakit pa rin. I cried and cried that night. Naubos ang dalawang boxes ng tissue paper. Para akong nagka-kafunsho. Hindi ako natulog. Gising ako hanggang umaga. I was thinking of all the good memories I had with my Dad. At tsaka iyak lang po ako ng iyak na parang bata. I was missing my dad. I had to face the reality that even if I go back home to the Philippines, wala na siya.

This is actually a difficult article to write. Because I needed to cry, pause and stop many times to continue writing this. Hayan, naubos na naman ang tissue paper.

The night before the burial, my nephew did a film tribute to my dad. Afterwards, they all let us, his children and grandchildren, give our final messages.

During my turn, I told everyone present there that I did not lose my dad. That the one inside the coffin is not my dad anymore. My dad gave up his body already and is more alive now in spirit. And I had to tell my mom that my dad is not dead. That he is with us always and that we should always talk to him as he would appreciate it very much that we acknowledge his presence.

With my dad’s demise, I began to question our funeral tradition and compare it here in Japan. Dito, hindi dini-display ang mukha at katawan ng patay. Nasa loob lang ng kabaong. Sa atin, complete with make-up and hair style. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang nag make-up kay father. Nag mukhang bakla! Super kapal ng foundation and blush- on. At yung lipstick, shocking bloody red ang kulay! Ang cheap! Ayoko nang ganito. Mabuti na lang, yung pinsan kong babae, nag prisintang bawasan ng konti ang make-up at lipstick. Pero dumikit na ang kulay sa balat kaya masagwa pa rin.

Sa atin, uso ang paglalamay at pagpupuyat sa funenaria. Ewan ko kung bakit kailangan pa ito. Bakit ba kailangan pang bantayan ang patay, eh, hindi na naman siya aalis at magliliwaliw pa kung saan.
O kaya’y manakawan pa ang kanyang bangkay. Pwede bang lagyan ng deadline ng 8 or 9 pm? Wala naman ginagawa ang mga tao sa loob. Actually, puro tsismisan lang ang nangyayari. Nagkakasala pa ang mga tao. Patawarin! Yung iba, nakiki-kamag-anak kahit walang relasyon. Sila yung dere-derechong pupunta sa kabaong at iiyak ng malakas. Mga drama queens kuno! Gusto lang makikain at makisawsaw sa handaan. Ni isa sa mga kamag-anak ko, hindi sila kilala. Pag dating sa hapag kainan, grabe silang kumain. Pag busog na, eat and run!

Pero what I love about this is the sudden family, friends and classmate reunions. Yung mga hindi mo nakikita for so many years, biglang mag sisirati-ngan. And then you ask them, “Sino po sila?” Kasi you don’t recognize them anymore. Siya pala yung crush mo sa high school! Ngayon, “crushed” na siya kasi nag-iba na ang hitsura. May tumangkad, tumaba, pumayat, lumapad, umitim, nakalbo, gumanda, pumanget, tumanda, bumata, yumaman at isa pang hindi ko mapaniwalaan… meron pang nangungutang! Ano ba naman sila? Namatayan ka na nga at hindi pa sila nahihiyang mangutang sa yo?

At eto pa. The funeral house was not adjacent to the cemetery. Kaya imagine the traffic that the procession caused in the hi-way. This would definitely create trouble to so many people especially if they are in a rush. I think funeral houses should be placed strategically near the cemeteries.

On the day my dad passed away, he was calling all the names of his children who are mostly abroad. He remembered us all even we were so far away. Dad, sorry I was thousands of miles away to hear you call my name. But I wanted in all my life to hear you call my name again. And hear you say your good-bye.

I will always think about you, Dad, and cherish all the good things you have showered us. You have done so much to the world by raising the best kids who will carry on your legacy of helping other people. You may not have been the perfect dad, but you are the best dad!