Jackie Murphy

Side Trips 
by Jackie Murphy

When your children leave you softly to find what the world has in store for them… My friend’s son is leaving her mother behind to study in college heading for the big city miles away from home. It leaves my friend worrying so much if her son could make it there. She sat and was stunned in disbelief, tangled with mixed emotions. Everything rapidly begins to change and she was not ready for this. Maybe she was ready then but she isn’t ready now. She definitely knows that it’s a significant event but why do parents suddenly are not equipped with the emotional intricacies much more with the very swift transition in their children’s lives? “My little boy has grown up into a young, full-of-life, good-looking man so quickly,” tearfully she thought:  “Am I getting old fast, too?”
Reminiscing the good and their sweet bonding moments together, of course, including the emba-rrassing incidents, too. It wasn’t so long ago when she was playing around and hugging her little boy, taking and fetching him from school after her daily work for many years. As a single mother, she has been working so hard to make ends meet both for her own family here and for the other family members back home.

Then…silence.  “Just to make my child have a visit, I need to be able to provide a place for him to come home to and be with me,”she said to herself. Why all of a sudden parents are not ready, not suddenly armed with good thoughts? Tangle of emotions, unable to communicate within oneself: it’s unusual for parents to feel apprehensive or even depressed just by thinking about it. Will my child be able to come home for a vacation soon? Will the distance reduce our communication? How do I cope with the possibility of not seeing him for a long time?

Honestly, for parents, what’s really hard to accept is when softly our young angels try to find what they want in life and decide for themselves that they want to pursue their shimmering dreams away from their parents (nang hindi sinasadya… owws?): a fact that hurts and stabs our folks straight at the heart and mind. But, hey, for these younger generation: their much awaited independence is just a breath away, up for grabs and is at stake. They will do every-thing to start to explore, find out what rocks their world and their eagerness to find new friends in a brand new, challenging but creepy world!

Look at you. Di ba nagawa mo rin ‘to noon? You separated from your loved ones to try and start a life on your own. Sa ayaw at sa gusto mo, this is bound to happen again between you and your kids. Mas maigi kung mas maaga mong matatanggap ang mga situwasyon, mas gagaan ang kalooban mo.

Teka, ano ba ang ikinalulungkot mo, fren? Yung distansiya nga ba talaga? Pinaka-mainam na ma-assure ka ng anak mo na once they leave e hinding-hindi magbabago ang kalagayan ninyo bilang mag-ina.

Libangin mo ang sarili mo sa ibang mga bagay sa buhay. Iwasan mong mag-isa sa bahay. Keep yourself busy otherwise you will constantly be remembering the pain of separation, anxiety and boredom.

Huwag makasarili. Intindihin mo kahit na mag-ina kayo e meron din naman siyang sariling mundo. Let him be. Try not to have hard feelings and unwanted emotions. Worry influence your feelings for the day.

Malay mo baka ito na rin yung tamang oras para ikaw naman ay makabiyahe ng walang masyadong bagahe. Keep a positive outlook as you go on with your daily life.

Whatever happens to the future lives of our young children, we will always be there for them, to support them along the way all throughout their journey. We were like them in the past. It might be totally far different from the way our parents dealt with it when we were leaving them then, from the way we deal with our own children now. Let’s not forget that we were young ones, too, once. We were like them before. Take it slow, dear.

In the end, we will congratulate and thank ourselves if they still turn out to be the God-fearing children and good citizens we once asked and prayed for them to be. And our reward?....That big adorable smile in your heart!