Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Tippi Delarosa

NOTES: Of 2014 And
Moving On

January-February 2014

Last week I received a private message from a friend who seemed to be having a hard time moving on from a relationship that had long ended already. We’re talking decades here, not months. Apparently, she and the man had a brief affair before he got married. She said they were in love at one point. He validated her statement, but added that he chose to marry another. “My wife is my destiny,” he tells me. How I got entangled in the said affair of the heart is another story. Both were close to me – he was my first love, she was our close friend.

By the way she sounded, it was quite apparent that she has had a hard time moving on. I wanted to reach out and comfort her but since we live oceans away from each other, I couldn’t.  In between telling her story, she would often quip “oh but it’s so long ago already.” Yet the hurt was there. I heard it in her voice. How he left her in spite of what they shared haunts her to this day. This didn’t make me sleep for a couple of nights. Next thing I knew I was already talking to the man concerned. Let it be said that my relationship with my first love is one for the books. Despite our teenage disagreements, we have remained friends. In fact, we are not just friends; we are close friends.  They say curiosity kills the cat, but I would have nothing of this until I get to the bottom of the pit.

According to him, he already had a girlfriend when his relationship with our close friend intensified. They both didn’t expect things to turn that way but it did. It was then that he realized he had to make a choice, and chose he did.

After listening to the two versions of the story, I wondered: how difficult is it to move on from a painful past? The man said that it took him years to recover from the guilt; the woman is still trying to make peace with her past.

Their story is not unique. I’ve been there, done that too. The only difference is that when I move on, I trudge fast forward no matter how difficult the journey is. I am the kind who will try to save the relationship as much as I could but once I decide to say goodbye, there is no more turning back. I feel intensely, yes but when the cup runneth over I can as easily disengage. Such is why up to now I cannot understand why it is easier for some people to dwell on the past. Then again, it is just me.

Speaking of moving on, I also have this weird tendency to befriend all my exs. Others may cringe at this, but it makes me feel uncomfortable to be at odds with an ex. After all, we shared something special at one point in our life. Many of my friends find this weird but I often reason out that exs make the best allies. They know you and no matter what happens, they will always have a soft spot for you in their heart.

As we enter 2014, we will be given numerous choices again. These choices go hand in hand with moving forward. It may not be easy for most of us to let go of the past, but it won’t do us any good to cling to it either.
So let us all march forward and work our 2014 with hope in our hearts. Life, after all, is beautiful.

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